Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Monday Gripes 6/1/10

Ah, June. The month for weddings. At least it's OUR anniversary this month...32 years. Nothing to gripe about there! I'm married to my favorite person in the whole world, and I treasure every moment together.

Mostly, these days I'm griping about my shoulder pain. Not much can be done until I see the neurosurgeon in a week. I fear surgery will be what he suggests, and that definitely scares me.

First, the idea of an IV freaks me out. I get panic attacks over them...probably because my veins are small, or roll, or both, and thus are hard to pin down.

Next, anesthesia frightens me. The idea that I won't be breathing on my own makes me wonder, what if my body "forgets" how to breathe and won't start up again? I know that's extremely rare, but logic always gets squashed when in a fistfight with panic.

Then there's the surgery itself. When working on or near the spine with sharp, pointy objects...heck, what's NOT to worry about?

And, what if I go through all that and it doesn't fix me after all? What if I can't ever be back to normal and work at my desk comfortably, knit without pain, sleep easily?


I'm trying to tell myself the surgery is what I WANT, to fix the constant pain. And I know once it's over, and I feel better, I'll be terribly thankful. But right now, I'm just in the "terrible" part, scaring myself silly. Sheesh. What a wuss...

So, what scares YOU silly?

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